Teens. Wth?

When my sons were small, they never left my side, couldn’t give or receive enough kisses and hugs and loved to talk to me. Every thought was verbalized and questions were fired at rapid speed. They wanted to learn about their world, my world, me. I knew everything. They laughed loudly and smiled often.

Now, they’re 14 and 17.  The house, once filled with high-pitched voices and Nickelodeon, is quiet. As they continue to plow through the years at warp speed, I’ve had to adjust my expectations and reactions.

This is what I’ve learned about teenage boys:

  • They use their own language: words like Swag, Brah, Chance and Yas. They abbreviate words because they no longer possess the energy to say them fully.

          Where’s your brother?

          Idk.

  • In keeping with the above point, they offer one word answers to describe multiple hours they were not in your company. Six-hour experiences will be described in one of the following words: Fine, Good, Okay or, if you’re really lucky, you may receive the overly-descriptive Fun. Count your blessings.
  • When a teen boy decides to talk to you, drop everything and listen. It could be days before he opens his mouth again to speak.
  • This just in: Chance is no longer used. Keep up with the times.
  • Everything you say is annoying. If it’s not annoying, then it’s wrong.
  • They love videos. They do not like to read.
  • They will spend three hours outside, building snow ramps and a mini terrain park, where they’ll spend an additional four hours snowboarding and sledding up and down the hill. However, taking out the garbage is an incredibly exhausting task. Omg!
  • Their friends know everything. You’ve been through every experience they’ll face, yet you know absolutely nothing.
  • For some reason, shorts are worn throughout the year. They don’t get cold. Sweatshirts have replaced warm, winter coats. And they have no problem when you say you’ll deny being their parent in public.
  • If you don’t hear what they say the first time and ask What?, you blew your chance. Theirs is not to repeat.
  • You grew up in the exciting ’70’s and ’80’s, went to college, went backpacking through Europe, held eight jobs, know two languages, wrote a couple of books, have been on the radio twice, but you’re boring. Their friends, who play videos all day, are not boring.
  • Car rides are crucial. Keep your radio low and your ears open. A lot is divulged in traffic. Embrace the captive audience. Unless, of course, they’re hidden under their headphones. This is your chance to blast Abba and sing at the top of your lungs as if you’re alone. It’s a win-win.
  • Do not, under any circumstances, try to speak to a teenage boy in the morning. Use gestures if you must or let the thought go. Just throw a waffle on the table and slowly back away. Trust me. It’s a much more peaceful existence and sets the tone for the entire day.

I’ve heard they come back. Idk. I’ll keep you posted.

Stay strong.

14 thoughts on “Teens. Wth?

  1. Love this post. Having only one child, a daughter, on the fringes of 30, I can completely relate to this—two brothers, and now a husband. Video games have been replaced with watching TV through the nose hairs, and the perfected nodding of the head while playing card games on the computer; And, if you’re really lucky the occasional, uh-huh pops out to indicate he’s listening (uh-huh 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Warning… some boys never outgrow their teenage behavior. One of mine never has… and he’s 38. And the worst part is, I still can’t get used to it. signed by… ugh.

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  3. That is a great discription !!! Made me laugh because I raised two boys and two girls… The difference is amazing..one doesn’t speak and the other won’t shut up. I raised them when there were no cell phones or video games or those crazy abreviations!!!! Yes the car rides are crucial….. You keep talking though….somehow it does sink in!!

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  4. Your words are so true! I have a fifteen year old boy. His description of his day is, “Boring.” I’ve learned not to push. When he’s ready, he’ll tell me how his day was. Which is often during dinner or in the car rides back and forth to his activities. I’ve learned to ask open ended questions. Never ask a question that can be answered yes or no. My mother heard him talking once and she said to me, “I’ve never heard him say so many words at once.” My reply, “He’s talking about a video game, Ma. Come on.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Stacey, that’s hysterical. And you’re right. They do talk a lot when it comes to video games. I listen to them discuss with their friends or their father. I’m not a player, so I’m out of the loop. 🙂

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