Recent conversation with my Graphic Designer

Susan: Your books are doing well.

Me: Thank you.

Susan: They could be doing better.  You need a marketing plan for 2016. What kind of budget do you have?

Me: Not much. I’m a telemarketer.

Susan: Hmm.

Me: I was secretly hoping for a Publicist for Christmas.

Susan: And?

Me: I got Ugg slippers instead.

Susan: Right.

Me: But they’re very nice. Comfy.

Susan: Moving on. You need Amazon reviews. When you have comments on Amazon, they help to promote you.

Me: That’s so nice of them.

Susan: It helps them too. This is a business, remember.

Me: Sure. So, I’ll just wait for reviews. Simple.

Susan: Not simple. People don’t tend to leave comments on Amazon.

Me: Why not?

Susan: A myriad of reasons. They’re busy. They don’t think about it. They feel it’s difficult to write one because they’re not writers and feel intimidated.

Me: All good reasons. I used to never leave comments on Amazon either.

Susan: That doesn’t help.

Me: So what should I do?

Susan: Ask your readers to leave a comment on Amazon.

Me: No. That’s a bit forward, don’t you think?

Susan: I thought you were a salesperson.

Me: I didn’t say I was good. If I were, I’d hire a publicist and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Besides, I get email and Facebook messages from readers who say they really enjoyed my books.

Susan: That’s nice. But it won’t help.

Me: I disagree. They make me so happy. I save every one.

Susan: How do you like telemarketing?

Me: I hate it.

Susan: Get Amazon reviews.

Silence.

Susan: There are two million published books. You have to stand out.

Me: Oh no. Why are there so many?

Susan: It’s a good thing. As a reader, don’t you like choices?

Me: No. That’s why I shop at Costco.

Susan: Sigh. We’re getting nowhere.

Me: What if I offer chocolate to anyone who leaves a comment on Amazon?

Susan: How much chocolate do you have?

Me: Are you kidding?

Susan: Yes. You can’t give people things. It’s like bribing. We don’t buy reviews. You have to earn them.

Me: Not even with chocolate?

Susan: Can we get off the chocolate?

Me: Okay. How about we just keep going and I’ll write more and maybe people will start to catch on?

Susan: It appears you may have to do that.

Me: I have another idea. I’ll buy a Powerball ticket, win, and invest in chocolate so I’ll have a neverending supply to thank my readers.

Me: Hello?

Susan: I’ll talk to you next month. Happy New Year, Kim.

Me: Happy New Year. Guess what? I mailed you a surprise. A sweet one. 

 

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Hi there,

Enjoying your holiday season so far? We’re getting down to the wire, and if you’re like me, you have those “extras” left on your list.  Or maybe you want to add gift toppers to your gift cards. I have some favorites I rely on.

Here are some last minute, low cost, suggestions:  

My first favorite gift is The Body Shop Body Butter. These are 8oz -20oz tubs of smooth, hydrating goodness. I lean toward Shea since I have dry skin.  But they have a huge assortment of different flavors, ranging from Mango and Pomegranate to Brazil nut and Almond. Around the holidays, they offer additional scents, like Peppermint and Cocoa. They’re normally $20/tub. Now they’re 50% off. Great for bus drivers, teachers, bloggers (what?), and gift toppers for sis, or mom, or neighbor.

I tried the Chocomania scent the other day (an early gift from hubby), and smelled so yummy. A warning: be careful when you wear this in public …Children followed me around Target without knowing why…

My next favorite gift to give is William Sonoma Hot Chocolate with…wait for it….Chocolate Marshmallows!  Tie in a couple of snowman mugs and you’re a hero. Very tasty, cozy gift.  Makes a wonderful hostess gift if you’re invited to a party (fyi, I am still free on December 21st).

Along the same cozy theme, I love to give cozy socks, sometimes referred to as ‘butter’ socks. Sold in most clothes stores, Kohl’s, Macy’s, Bed & Bath, these warm, comfy foot-gloves tell your receiver that you’re thinking of them on those especially frigid nights.

For your Kindle or Nook readers, can’t go wrong with an Amazon gift card. I got one for my birthday last year and I gleefully bought a whole bunch of ebooks. Best. Gift. Ever.

For your die-hard paper book lovers (and I do have a warm spot for the hardcovers, with those gorgeous spines. Is there a better house decoration, I ask you?), how about a book or two with a snazzy book mark saying, “Readers do it quietly”?

The Bronze Horseman trilogy is my gift of choice for my reader-friends this year. Don’t you wish you were on my list?

A wristlet is another great gift for the woman-friend on my list. When she’s looking to carry her phone, some money, and a license to a bar, and doesn’t want to shlep the heavy over-the-shoulder bag while getting her drink on, this is the perfect item for her.

That’s all I have for now.

What are your suggestions? I’d love to hear them.