Recent conversation with my Graphic Designer

Susan: Your books are doing well.

Me: Thank you.

Susan: They could be doing better.  You need a marketing plan for 2016. What kind of budget do you have?

Me: Not much. I’m a telemarketer.

Susan: Hmm.

Me: I was secretly hoping for a Publicist for Christmas.

Susan: And?

Me: I got Ugg slippers instead.

Susan: Right.

Me: But they’re very nice. Comfy.

Susan: Moving on. You need Amazon reviews. When you have comments on Amazon, they help to promote you.

Me: That’s so nice of them.

Susan: It helps them too. This is a business, remember.

Me: Sure. So, I’ll just wait for reviews. Simple.

Susan: Not simple. People don’t tend to leave comments on Amazon.

Me: Why not?

Susan: A myriad of reasons. They’re busy. They don’t think about it. They feel it’s difficult to write one because they’re not writers and feel intimidated.

Me: All good reasons. I used to never leave comments on Amazon either.

Susan: That doesn’t help.

Me: So what should I do?

Susan: Ask your readers to leave a comment on Amazon.

Me: No. That’s a bit forward, don’t you think?

Susan: I thought you were a salesperson.

Me: I didn’t say I was good. If I were, I’d hire a publicist and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Besides, I get email and Facebook messages from readers who say they really enjoyed my books.

Susan: That’s nice. But it won’t help.

Me: I disagree. They make me so happy. I save every one.

Susan: How do you like telemarketing?

Me: I hate it.

Susan: Get Amazon reviews.

Silence.

Susan: There are two million published books. You have to stand out.

Me: Oh no. Why are there so many?

Susan: It’s a good thing. As a reader, don’t you like choices?

Me: No. That’s why I shop at Costco.

Susan: Sigh. We’re getting nowhere.

Me: What if I offer chocolate to anyone who leaves a comment on Amazon?

Susan: How much chocolate do you have?

Me: Are you kidding?

Susan: Yes. You can’t give people things. It’s like bribing. We don’t buy reviews. You have to earn them.

Me: Not even with chocolate?

Susan: Can we get off the chocolate?

Me: Okay. How about we just keep going and I’ll write more and maybe people will start to catch on?

Susan: It appears you may have to do that.

Me: I have another idea. I’ll buy a Powerball ticket, win, and invest in chocolate so I’ll have a neverending supply to thank my readers.

Me: Hello?

Susan: I’ll talk to you next month. Happy New Year, Kim.

Me: Happy New Year. Guess what? I mailed you a surprise. A sweet one. 

 

All I Want For Christmas

“Let’s not buy anything for each other for Christmas this year,” I told my husband last month. “Let’s just appreciate all that we have and focus on our time together, with our friends and families. All I want is for us to be happy and for the world to be at peace. That’s all I need.”

This was my goal for this year. Not to amass more material things but to love what I have, appreciate all that we’ve accomplished. Go simple. Be stress-free.

“Fine.” My husband said. And so it was.

I spent the next weeks basking in my idealistic glow, needing nothing and feeling pretty good about myself. Until recently. I work from home, so I spend a good portion of my time in sweats and slippers. I noticed my slippers are getting a bit shabby. They’ve got to be about three years old and have seen better days. As I commute to work (walk the eleven steps to the back bedroom at the end of the hall – my office), I wonder if I should have suggested to my husband that he get me a new pair. You know, since I wear them every day.

No. I can live with these old slippers. They’re fine. They are. No holes. No obvious tear in the fabric. They keep my feet warm. I’ll make do. I want to simplify my life. Live stress-free. I just want world peace.

Every night I read in bed before I go to sleep. Lately I’m trying to ignore the fact that my Kindle Touch, four years old (which in technology years is ancient) is coming apart at the seams. Literally, it is splitting along the top. I’m surprised it’s still working. I wonder how long it’ll last.

Could be I was a bit hasty about my request for no gifts this Christmas.

Really, all I want is to be happy, stress-free, have world peace, and a pair of (Ugg) slippers and a Kindle Paperwhite. That’s all. No more.

As the cold weather sets in, I’m trying to ignore the nagging pain at the base of my back. I’m getting old. Stiff. Could probably use a full body massage. Would certainly add to my stress-free type of life. If I felt relaxed and loose, I’d certainly be happy and not so agitated. My children would benefit. World peace starts at home.

In essence, I just want to be happy, have world peace, a pair of Ugg slippers (mine are worn to the soles), a Kindle Paperwhite and a full body massage. That’s it. Stress-free. Simple.

I wonder if I should have hinted at all of the wonderful books that have been released that would fit nicely on my new Kindle Paperwhite. Good books always make me happy. And I could spread peace and goodwill throughout the world by giving reviews online.

So, my Christmas list looks something like this: happiness, world peace, a pair of Ugg slippers (what was I thinking to believe I could wear these shoddy things even one more day?), a Kindle Paperwhite, a full body massage and an Amazon gift card.

Now, how do I tell my husband I revised my list to include a few other high priority items along with world peace and happi…Wait! Why is the UPS man backing into our driveway? Could it be? Yes! He’s coming to the house! He’s carrying packages. Yes!

Ahem. As I was saying…World peace. Happiness. Isn’t that all we need?

I wish you all a wonderful holiday and Peace, Health and Happiness in the New Year.

See you in 2016!!

xo