Susan: Your books are doing well.
Me: Thank you.
Susan: They could be doing better. You need a marketing plan for 2016. What kind of budget do you have?
Me: Not much. I’m a telemarketer.
Me: I was secretly hoping for a Publicist for Christmas.
Me: I got Ugg slippers instead.
Me: But they’re very nice. Comfy.
Susan: Moving on. You need Amazon reviews. When you have comments on Amazon, they help to promote you.
Me: That’s so nice of them.
Susan: It helps them too. This is a business, remember.
Me: Sure. So, I’ll just wait for reviews. Simple.
Susan: Not simple. People don’t tend to leave comments on Amazon.
Me: Why not?
Susan: A myriad of reasons. They’re busy. They don’t think about it. They feel it’s difficult to write one because they’re not writers and feel intimidated.
Me: All good reasons. I used to never leave comments on Amazon either.
Susan: That doesn’t help.
Me: So what should I do?
Susan: Ask your readers to leave a comment on Amazon.
Me: No. That’s a bit forward, don’t you think?
Susan: I thought you were a salesperson.
Me: I didn’t say I was good. If I were, I’d hire a publicist and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Besides, I get email and Facebook messages from readers who say they really enjoyed my books.
Susan: That’s nice. But it won’t help.
Me: I disagree. They make me so happy. I save every one.
Susan: How do you like telemarketing?
Me: I hate it.
Susan: Get Amazon reviews.
Susan: There are two million published books. You have to stand out.
Me: Oh no. Why are there so many?
Susan: It’s a good thing. As a reader, don’t you like choices?
Me: No. That’s why I shop at Costco.
Susan: Sigh. We’re getting nowhere.
Me: What if I offer chocolate to anyone who leaves a comment on Amazon?
Susan: How much chocolate do you have?
Me: Are you kidding?
Susan: Yes. You can’t give people things. It’s like bribing. We don’t buy reviews. You have to earn them.
Me: Not even with chocolate?
Susan: Can we get off the chocolate?
Me: Okay. How about we just keep going and I’ll write more and maybe people will start to catch on?
Susan: It appears you may have to do that.
Me: I have another idea. I’ll buy a Powerball ticket, win, and invest in chocolate so I’ll have a neverending supply to thank my readers.
Susan: I’ll talk to you next month. Happy New Year, Kim.
Me: Happy New Year. Guess what? I mailed you a surprise. A sweet one.